So I went online, filled out the application details, sent them proof of address, etc. and then waited. Yesterday, I received a letter saying that due to my credit score from Experian, Citibank wouldn’t let me open the account.

It’s a current account with no credit card and no overdraft facility. No credit or borrowing required. So why should a credit score affect this? What a wunch of bankers!

I’ve now received two ‘strikes’ in 6 months from YouTube on an account of mine for videos I’d posted a couple of years ago. They’re not explicit or anything and yet – according to YouTube:

The following video(s) from your account have been disabled for violating the YouTube Community Guidelines:

• {Video Name}

Everyone hates spam. Misleading descriptions, tags, titles or thumbnails designed to increase views are not allowed. It’s also not OK to post large amounts of untargeted, unwanted or repetitive content, including comments and private messages.

This is the second Community Guidelines warning sanction your account has received within six months. Accordingly, the ability to post new content to YouTube from this account has been disabled and will not return until two weeks after you acknowledge this message. Please review the YouTube Community Guidelines and refrain from further violations, which may result in the termination of your account(s).

Helpful eh? Of course they’ve also helpfully removed my ability to actually access the ‘offending’ video but having looked at the one in question offline, I really, really don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.

So I thought I’d ask them to clarify what was wrong, but no. There’s no actual way on the YouTube site for me to be able to query this with anyone. How stupid are these people?

A few weeks ago, I decided to buy a new dishwasher. After looking on the John Lewis web site, I found a suitable model but it was out of stock. Currys’ website indicated they would price match as they were overpriced in comparison. Ringing them elicited the response that yes they would price match and take a further 10% off but no, we couldn’t order one until Friday as it was out of stock, but maybe we could find one in store.

Off to Grimsby Currys on the Saturday afternoon. After looking around at what they had in store, I eventually had to go and break up a cosy chat between four of their staff to get one of them, Jenny Noble, to actually sell us one as they were apparently uninterested in serving us. She graciously allowed us to make a purchase of an integrated dishwasher but as it was now 3.01pm, they wouldn’t deliver it on Sunday, as we’d missed the 3.00pm deadline…

We were told that delivery was free but that we could pay extra to have it delivered, installed and the old one disposed of. We were charged £20 extra for this.

So today it was delivered but we were told that the delivery man was only dropping the new one off as he had 5 minutes only and 30 deliveries to do.

We rang Currys who eventually said they would get Rob, the manager, to check with Jenny and ring me. They didn’t. I rang back and was told that no, she wouldn’t have made a mistake and the additional money we were charged was for … something else. After much to-ing and fro-ing, I was told that installation would cost another £100 but Rob would allow us 20% off that. I argued that we’d already paid for installation and after Curry’s Customer Services hung up on me after refusing to put me through to a supervisor, we were told that Rob had withdrawn his generous offer and if I wanted installation it would cost another £100.

I told them to come and collect it: it would be on the driveway.

In the meantime, my partner was telephoned and it was agreed that they would refund the £20 … but I’d have to go to Grimsby from London to get the refund! Eventually a few days later we actually got the refund.

So thanks to Rob at Curry’s Grimsby, we’re never, ever buying anything from Currys again, anywhere in the country. I already don’t buy from them online as Currys’ online prices are much more expensive than Amazon’s anyway. Oh and that will also extend to PC World who are part of the same group of companies.

“[Kentaro] said Kentaro would take a maximum of one million subscribers for the match – which he said equates to about 2.5 million viewers – because this would be the “safe number to stop at to ensure the optimal broadcast”.

Hmm. I’m not sure my broadband connection – as much as 768kbps at times… –  will ever provide “the optimal broadcast” for any streaming media.

“Andrew Croker, executive chairman of Perform, insisted England fans would “embrace” the internet broadcast.

“I think consumers are pretty sophisticated now, particularly in the UK, where we have been in the vanguard of adopting new technology,” he told BBC Sport.

“I think people want a choice – the chance to watch football in a different way. This is pioneering, very exciting and I think people will enjoy it.”

Yes it would be a different way for me – rather than high quality and effectively free broadcast on my television, I can have intermittent and choppy images on my Mac if I’m prepared to pay through the nose for it. Well guess what: I’m not!

It soon became apparent that my bundled call minutes would be insufficient for calling home regularly of an evening, so I decided to arrange for a landline through BT. This was set up and working on Wednesday this week – well done BT – and gives me free evening and weekend calls as I signed up for a year.

Now I started to have ‘issues’ with the Vodafone mobile broadband: my account gets billed mid-month, so to track usage, I have to use the full version of their software. Vodafone also compress images whether you want to or not but the full version allows you to modify the extent of this, whilst still having them compressed. I also cannot FTP files to webservers without them being cocked-up by Vodafone en route. In addition to this, one important aspect of my use would be to keep in touch with my kids over Windows Live Messenger but this does not work with the full version of the software.

The alternative is to use Vodafone’s “Lite” software. The downside with this is that the compression is worse and not adjustable by the user and the software only tracks usage on a month by month basis and not on my billing basis.

So I decided that I would sign up to broadband. BT are overpriced compared with other providers, so I decided on O2. According to their website, broadband is already activated on that line through Be Broadband … who are now part of O2, but because I’m not the customer of record, I would need to contact BT to have the tag removed: O2 blamed BT re-using that number for the cock-up.

After an hour and two dropped calls by BT – same old, same old – I was told there definitely isn’t a tag on that line, but according to their broadband checker:

“For Postcode [telephone number, not Postcode, removed] on Exchange BERMONDSEY

We’ve just tested your line and can confirm your line supports the UK’s most complete broadband package, BT Total Broadband. We estimate your maximum download speed to be 0.5 Mbps (Megabits per second).

Download speeds are dependent on a number of factors, such as the distance between your telephone exchange to your house and how many people are using broadband at the same time so whilst your broadband speed can vary, BT Total Broadband will always give you the maximum download speed available based on these factors.”

…which is frankly pathetic! Entering the postcode instead, I get this:

“For Postcode [removed] on Exchange CANARY WHARF

We’ve just tested your line and can confirm your line supports the UK’s most complete broadband package, BT Total Broadband. We estimate your maximum download speed to be 3.0 Mbps (Megabits per second).

Download speeds are dependent on a number of factors, such as the distance between your telephone exchange to your house and how many people are using broadband at the same time so whilst your broadband speed can vary, BT Total Broadband will always give you the maximum download speed available based on these factors.”

So it seems something is wrong somewhere!

Anyway, when I went through to O2 to place an order, entering the telephone number tells me this:

“Be broadband is currently activated on this BT landline number. Because Be is part of O2, you can move to O2 Broadband without any penalty and without giving Be your usual three month notice of cancellation. You’ll need to get a MAC key from Be before we can take your order though. So please raise a ticket through Be’s member centre (http://www.bethere.co.uk/memberhome.do), or give them a call on 0808 234 8566.”

It clearly isn’t, and that number seems constantly engaged. Ringing O2, they told me it definitely was so there must be a tag still on that number and that due to Data Protection Act issues, I would have to contact BT to get it removed.

So here I am: there isn’t or there is a tag on the line, which is either in Bermondsey or Canary Wharf neither of which will support anything much by way of line speed and which may or may not be in O2′s “Broadband” area – which is actually ADSL2+ – and may or may not be in O2′s “Home Broadband” area which is slower and more expensive.

{sigh} Wouldn’t it be good to get the right answer to the question first time?

So far, so good.

I have a couple of ride-outs coming up in a few weeks, so it’s time for me to apply for a tax disc to run from 1 April – I’ll do 6 months which will take me through my riding season from Kawasaki Day at the Ace Café London through to the ZRXOC Medbourne Meet in September.

Bearing in mind, you have to allow sufficient time for postage, etc. I thought I’d tax it today to run from 1 April.

No. You can’t do that. The stupid system will only accept my taxing the bike from 1 March, so the Government is insisting I pay tax for the last 24 days, plus however long it would take for the tax disc to arrive after they process the application tomorrow. Let’s see … yes, it would probably arrive around the 1 April and I’d have been unable to use the bike for the first month of the six I’d have paid for, plus I wouldn’t be legal if I wanted to do the September meet.

Absolutely useless!

Of course this is operated by the same people who tried to claim that the latest Budget was all for environmentally friendly vehicles … whilst upping the tax for bikes. Bikes that are perfect for single ‘occupancy’ commutes. And those that do not cause congestion…

And guess what?

Yes, someone managed to get £500 out of his account!

Got to love this bit though:

“The bank cannot find out who did this because of the Data Protection Act and they cannot stop it from happening again.”

Ah! The Nanny State, eh?

So we tend to delete all the ‘useful’ information and just leave the e-mail addresses they helpfully include so that other spammers can offer them viagra, tickets for rugby matches and those missing millions from Nigeria. Here’s hoping anyway.

I thought I’d start posting their e-mail addresses on here (and hence on the sites carrying the syndicated RSS feeds) so that other can avail themselves of their bargain wares … or something.

Here’s the latest: iphones@europemail.com iphone@ommail.com iphonss@yahoo.com

“Any views or opinions presented are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of Tunbridge Wells Borough Council.”

Oh right! So can I take it that I haven’t received an official reply from these idiots?

“Thank you for your e-mail regarding the above Penalty Charge Notice that was issued to your vehicle while it was parked in Torrington car park.

“I have examined the grounds for your appeal and must inform you that, as shown on the large sign adjacent to the Southeastern Trains (ST) ticket machine from which you purchased your ticket, and on every exit door in the car park, the private bays where your ticket is valid are only the red bays belonging to ST, on the 3rd and 4th floor levels of the car park. A ST parking ticket is not valid for parking in a white Local Authority bay.

“To clear up any confusion, may I explain that the signage covering ST red bays, and ST tickets, machines and maintenance are entirely the responsibility of Meteor, which is the company operating on behalf of ST. Tunbridge Wells Borough Council, beyond its contracted obligation to enforce the ST parking regulations in the car park, has absolutely no involvement with or authority over what are these private business matters. Any complaints or dissatisfaction with the signage or system of issuing ST day tickets for commuters should be made direct to Meteor Customer Services Section. Their telephone number is 0845.603 6197 (7 days).

“The Parking Attendant’s comprehensive notes show that your vehicle was displaying a ST ticket but was not parked in the correct private red bay area. It was instead parked in a white bay belonging to the Local Authority and was not displaying a valid pay-and-display ticket. I have therefore to inform you that the grounds for representation against the Penalty Charge Notice have not been established and your appeal is rejected. I am, however, able to accept the reduced rate of £30.00, provided that payment is received within fourteen days of the date of this letter. Cheques and Postal Orders should be made payable to Tunbridge Wells Borough Council and addressed to the Parking Information Centre. Alternatively, you can pay via our website, www.tunbridgewells.gov.uk, or by credit/debit card on our dedicated payment line 01892 554094, which is open 23½ hours a day, 7 days a week (except between 5pm and 5:30pm when the system is closed for essential processing).

“Should this Penalty not be paid within the given time-scale, a ‘Notice to Owner’ subsequently will be sent to the registered owner/keeper of the vehicle. The registered owner/keeper will be given 28 days from receipt of the Notice either to pay the full charge of £60.00 or make formal appeal in writing on the Notice, which the Council will be under a statutory obligation to consider. If the formal appeal is rejected, they will be sent the forms to allow them to appeal direct to the National Parking Adjudication Service, should they wish, for an independent ruling on the matter – which will be binding on all parties. There is no formal right of appeal to the adjudicators until the ‘Notice to Owner’ is issued and returned to us.”

So let’s just have a look at that, shall we?

“the Southeastern Trains (ST) ticket machine from which you purchased your ticket”

How does an unfortunate visitor to Tunbridge Wells know that this machine is supposedly a Southeastern Trains ticket machine, when all it says on it is “Parkeon” and (more particularly) “Central Parking System”?

Or:

“the large sign adjacent to the Southeastern Trains (ST) ticket machine”

That would be the large sign that says that railway day tickets can only be purchased from the South Eastern Trains entrance. We used the entrance to the car park and not to the station which was around the corner and down the road a way.

“To clear up any confusion, may I explain that the signage covering ST red bays, and ST tickets, machines and maintenance are entirely the responsibility of Meteor, which is the company operating on behalf of ST. Tunbridge Wells Borough Council, beyond its contracted obligation to enforce the ST parking regulations in the car park, has absolutely no involvement with or authority over what are these private business matters.”

Meteor, eh? And who are they? Are they saying that Meteor are Parkeon or Central Parking System? Who knows?

And whose car park is it anyway? Are Tunbridge Wells Borough Council saying that they don’t own or operate the car park but are simply a private contractor like those clamping cowboys? They certainly seem to come across like the cowboy clampers. They also seem to be ignoring their County Council’s ticket cancellation policy – no suprise there.

“Alternatively, you can pay via our website, www.tunbridgewells.gov.uk“

Well I tried that, but after I’d finally found a link to the payment section it refused to allow me to make payment as it didn’t recognise the parking ticket number…

“or by credit/debit card on our dedicated payment line 01892 554094″

That’s what I had to do but having carefully entered “6000″ for the payment amount the first time, the automated system thought I had entered 60p and it took two attempts for their system to recognise my debit card number.

So their payment systems are as useful as their parking facilities, then.

So congratulations, Tunbridge Wells. We will never again stay in or near Tunbridge Wells, not will we ever visit Tunbridge Wells, nor will we ever buy anything from anyone in Tunbridge Wells.

Or more succinctly, fuck you Tunbridge Wells!