My Vodafone usage has started to come up again since I started using the webcam so I decided to give O2 one final chance to redeem themselves. So I called O2 on Friday last week and a helpful guy called Mike said he’d try again and ring me back when it was resolved, which he did an hour later.

He then took me through things and the line check sadly came back as a tad pathetic, but nevertheless they could do me a service at £7.50 a month subject only to a fair usage cap which is fine. So the other was placed as an existing O2 customer using one of my kids’ O2 mobiles as the customer details - so Jack presently gets order status updates texted through to him.

I am told the line should be active by the end of the week - at which time I’ll be able to see what sort of speed they can deliver - and my wireless router should arrive at the office here tomorrow. The speed is not what I wanted as they don’t have the exchange unbundled yet and no fibre optics in place, but we’ll see.

{sigh}

Of course, if I visit the Be Broadband website it says I can get ADSL2+ and would I like to place an order?

Left hand, meet right hand…

Anyway, O2 have no record of my telephone calls - excellent stuff, O2… - but Claire has promised to ring me back within 5 working days. We’ll see.

It soon became apparent that my bundled call minutes would be insufficient for calling home regularly of an evening, so I decided to arrange for a landline through BT. This was set up and working on Wednesday this week - well done BT - and gives me free evening and weekend calls as I signed up for a year.

Now I started to have ‘issues’ with the Vodafone mobile broadband: my account gets billed mid-month, so to track usage, I have to use the full version of their software. Vodafone also compress images whether you want to or not but the full version allows you to modify the extent of this, whilst still having them compressed. I also cannot FTP files to webservers without them being cocked-up by Vodafone en route. In addition to this, one important aspect of my use would be to keep in touch with my kids over Windows Live Messenger but this does not work with the full version of the software.

The alternative is to use Vodafone’s “Lite” software. The downside with this is that the compression is worse and not adjustable by the user and the software only tracks usage on a month by month basis and not on my billing basis.

So I decided that I would sign up to broadband. BT are overpriced compared with other providers, so I decided on O2. According to their website, broadband is already activated on that line through Be Broadband … who are now part of O2, but because I’m not the customer of record, I would need to contact BT to have the tag removed: O2 blamed BT re-using that number for the cock-up.

After an hour and two dropped calls by BT - same old, same old - I was told there definitely isn’t a tag on that line, but according to their broadband checker:

“For Postcode [telephone number, not Postcode, removed] on Exchange BERMONDSEY

We’ve just tested your line and can confirm your line supports the UK’s most complete broadband package, BT Total Broadband. We estimate your maximum download speed to be 0.5 Mbps (Megabits per second).

Download speeds are dependent on a number of factors, such as the distance between your telephone exchange to your house and how many people are using broadband at the same time so whilst your broadband speed can vary, BT Total Broadband will always give you the maximum download speed available based on these factors.”

…which is frankly pathetic! Entering the postcode instead, I get this:

“For Postcode [removed] on Exchange CANARY WHARF

We’ve just tested your line and can confirm your line supports the UK’s most complete broadband package, BT Total Broadband. We estimate your maximum download speed to be 3.0 Mbps (Megabits per second).

Download speeds are dependent on a number of factors, such as the distance between your telephone exchange to your house and how many people are using broadband at the same time so whilst your broadband speed can vary, BT Total Broadband will always give you the maximum download speed available based on these factors.”

So it seems something is wrong somewhere!

Anyway, when I went through to O2 to place an order, entering the telephone number tells me this:

“Be broadband is currently activated on this BT landline number. Because Be is part of O2, you can move to O2 Broadband without any penalty and without giving Be your usual three month notice of cancellation. You’ll need to get a MAC key from Be before we can take your order though. So please raise a ticket through Be’s member centre (http://www.bethere.co.uk/memberhome.do), or give them a call on 0808 234 8566.”

It clearly isn’t, and that number seems constantly engaged. Ringing O2, they told me it definitely was so there must be a tag still on that number and that due to Data Protection Act issues, I would have to contact BT to get it removed.

So here I am: there isn’t or there is a tag on the line, which is either in Bermondsey or Canary Wharf neither of which will support anything much by way of line speed and which may or may not be in O2’s “Broadband” area - which is actually ADSL2+ - and may or may not be in O2’s “Home Broadband” area which is slower and more expensive.

{sigh} Wouldn’t it be good to get the right answer to the question first time?

So far, so good.

I have a couple of ride-outs coming up in a few weeks, so it’s time for me to apply for a tax disc to run from 1 April - I’ll do 6 months which will take me through my riding season from Kawasaki Day at the Ace Café London through to the ZRXOC Medbourne Meet in September.

Bearing in mind, you have to allow sufficient time for postage, etc. I thought I’d tax it today to run from 1 April.

No. You can’t do that. The stupid system will only accept my taxing the bike from 1 March, so the Government is insisting I pay tax for the last 24 days, plus however long it would take for the tax disc to arrive after they process the application tomorrow. Let’s see … yes, it would probably arrive around the 1 April and I’d have been unable to use the bike for the first month of the six I’d have paid for, plus I wouldn’t be legal if I wanted to do the September meet.

Absolutely useless!

Of course this is operated by the same people who tried to claim that the latest Budget was all for environmentally friendly vehicles … whilst upping the tax for bikes. Bikes that are perfect for single ‘occupancy’ commutes. And those that do not cause congestion…

According to the Office for National Statistics, inflation is running at 2.2%. Clearly no-one told South Norfolk District Council about this as our new council tax demand is up 4.0% on last year.

Talking of last year, do you remember how last year Norfolk Police Authority couldn’t keep to any sort of budgeting and raised their bill by 6.9%?

Well this year, they’ve surpassed themselves and increased it by 8.3%! Clearly proper business governance is anathema to Norfolk Police Authority/Norfolk Constabulary. They say:

“Budget Issues
Norfolk Constabulary has suffered from successive years of under-funding by Government to the point where we regularly had to dip into our reserves. We can no longer afford to keep doing that.”

Erm, isn’t that what reserves are for? And yes, we know you claim to have suffered in previous years: you’ve been more than happy to share your pain with us by never living within inflation-matching rises and instead passing it on to us.

Oh and they also say that they are “Performing Well”:

“…our detection rate rose to 32% - the highest we have ever achieved…”

Which means they didn’t detect 68% of reported crime. Still, as long as they detect those heinous speeding motorists on the main trunk roads, eh… Yes, they’ve decided to increase transport costs from £3.33M to £4.03M this year, that’s a 21% increase!

Then when you look at South Norfolk Council’s budget, it’s good to see that they intend spending over £28M (out of £50M) on “Finance, Staffing and Property, including Revenues & Benefits, Human Resources, IT Services”. That’s not housing by the way. Nice little earner and a cushy job if you can get it.

All the websites we host with them that rely on databases to function are down. Their new premium rate customer services number allows you to call them, start racking up the charges and then after being put on hold they tell you that all their advisers are busy, goodbye and insist you hang up.

Nice little earner for them, eh?

So I rang 0845 7555555 again and went through thus usual palaver of them not being able to find the account on their system before I was transferred to a supervisor. I asked her for the direct dial telephone number before she transferred me through, which she gave me before … cutting me off!

I rang the number she had give me which was, of course, the wrong one. I managed to get yet another number from this department to ring which was 01202 648773 and I rang them.

No apparent notes on their system. After a few minutes, the woman took all my details, gave me a case reference and said that someone would call me back within 48 hours and hopefully find out what had happened to those cheques.

I asked why my account had not already been credited with the money given that they had acknowledged receipt of the cheques and that it was clearly their problem and not mine if they chose to lose them. She said she would put a note to that effect on the case notes…

And guess what?

Yes, someone managed to get £500 out of his account!

Got to love this bit though:

“The bank cannot find out who did this because of the Data Protection Act and they cannot stop it from happening again.”

Ah! The Nanny State, eh?

The UK Banks really don’t want to know - in my experience - unless you are a business. If you can find a bank that will open a US Dollar account, they usually ignore the money they will be making on holding the foreign currency and instead they will want to charge you a significant sum for holding an account in a foreign currency.

Barclays do have a “Currency Call Deposit Account” though which does not make a monthly charge but instead pays no interest on the first $2,999 but then pays a massive 0.25%. Wow!

Then of course, there’s the small issue that that account does not give you a cheque book or debit card to make any withdrawals or payments nor does it provide you with a credit book to pay cheques or cash in with!

The problem then comes when you go to your local branch - the one who allegedly holds the account (it’s their sort code and branch on the quarterly statements) - to try to pay cheques in. They’re used(ish) to people presenting cheques on a “negotiation basis” into their Sterling accounts. Barclays charge a fee for this and you then get credited with the balance at whatever the then excahnge rates are. I don’t want to halve the face value of the cheques I receive and I live in hope of being able to eventually use my US Dollar account to trade with US-based companies and individuals.

So presenting a US Dollar cheque or cheques for payment into a US Dollar account, I want them handled on a “collection basis” which is how they I presume they should be handled.

Unfortunately, most of the local branch staff DHAFC and frankly I get fed up of going through this palaver every time I have a cheque to pay in, so I tend to wait until I have two or three and then pay them in at once. Depending upon how the staff at the branch have mishandled the credit slip, I sometimes get a letter acknowledging receipt or telling me they cannot negotiate the cheques and are simply going to present them on a collection basis instead.

So on 7 September 2007, I paid in three US Dollar cheques totalling just $88.99. On 12 September 2007, I received a letter which said:

“We have received your cheque(s) for the sum of USD$88.99, which you have requested we present on a negotiation basis…”

I just want the cheque paid into my account with as little fuss (and as little fee) as possible.

Then on 22 October 2007 - 6 weeks after I paid the cheques in… - I received a letter telling me that they had “received payment for this collection and have today credited [my] account … USD 38.40…”

And the statement arrived today showing only $38.40 has been credited to my account.

So I rang Barclays on 0845 7555555 which is the number which appears on my statements and on the letters they write (unless they simply don’t state a number anywhere which is a regular occurrence too).

This puts you through to a call centre on the Indian sub-contintent after you negotiate the electronic call system which doesn’t like you failing to enter a bank card number or telephone banking password, neither of which are provided with the account…

Eventually you talk to someone who asks you repeatedly for the sort code and number of your account. You know full well they cannot find it on their system as these accounts are ‘handled’ by Barclays International in Poole (the ones who once sent back a large fee deposit from an Italian client because despite quoting the sort code and account number for my account, they didn’t recognise the - incomplete - branch address and apparently Barclays are happy for more than one customer to have the same account number, just at  different branch…).

So after 37 minutes and two transfers, I eventually spoke to a guy in Poole who is as I type this trying to find the cheques in their system. As I said to him, I paid them into my local branch and they acknowledged receipt of the cheques, so if they’ve lost them, that’s their problem not mine.

He’s going to ring me back when he finds them…

Now by my reckoning, I ought to be able to order four or five months’ supply but Tesco only offer me the option of three, six or twelve months and as they’re blocking me from ordering beyond May, I’m kinda stuffed.

So if I ordered just three months’ supply, what would they want me to do for April and May? Walk around blindly? Use lenses I should have binned?

Stupid system.

So I have placed two order for three months’ supply each! We shall see what orders they will accept…