How to win friends and influence people … or how to lose your best customers.

My debit card is shortly to run out of validity. I hadn’t received my new one so I rang them the other day to ask where it was.

“Don’t worry,” they said, “they’re usually sent out a fortnight or so before the old one runs out.”

I thought that was fine and I’ve been checking my mail since then. Tonight, however, I get in and there’s a letter from Lloyds TSB dated 13th September – but only received today, 19th – saying that:

“We wanted to tell you that your new Lloyds TSB card is at [my designated branch]. So when you have a chance, please drop in and pick it up…”

Now my branch is a 350 mile round trip away from where I live.

I haven’t been in to that branch for over 20 years.

What sort of fuckwittery leads them to think that I would “have a chance” to “drop in and pick it up”? What’s wrong with simply sending me the card in the usual way?

So I tried to ring them, but no, all their telephone numbers appear to have a fault on the line. Maybe the telephone bills were paid by the TSB part that they’ve just hived off? Maybe the sale of a chunk of the Government’s stake has meant they’re a bit short of cash to pay the bills right now?

So I’m now left with the likelihood that when I’m abroad next week, my present card will run out and I’ll be unable access my money due to their utter incompetence. And they expect me to keep my money in their accounts? Yeah right… Maybe after 36 years with Lloyds, it’s time to find a bank that knows its arse from its elbow.

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