Once upon a time, I had a savings account with Bradford & Bingley. On 29 September 2008 Bradford & Bingley’s savings accounts were transferred to Abbey. On January 11 2010 these were rebranded to Santander, who are one of the biggest banks around. On the basis of my experience tonight, I have no idea why.

I wanted to close an account, so I rang their phone number as printed on the statement. I had to wait whilst the automated service threw a wobbly as I didn’t enter a card number – I have no card with them – before I sat in a queue for 21 minutes. The dial tone then changed … and the fuckwit telebanker cut me off!

Useless wankers.

After another 22 minute wait, I finally got through to an operator who couldn’t help me anyway!